Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Pardon me...

So, I have been so torn with the idea of posting another blog entry, one which will push my sweet grandma down on my page. It's been hard deciding what to write about too but that picture that pops up every time I log on really tugs at my heart.... Seriously, though you can bounce whenever you want. My post today is LAME! :-/

Anyway, I've been sort of numb lately. Not sure why... A lot of things I suppose. It's so weird what death does. I came home and immediately started looking for anything with my grandmas handwriting on it. Recipes, notes, birthday cards. Why now? I should have been cherishing these items a long time ago. How about the blanket she made us when we got married? Now I don't want to use it. I want to save it in a box and never get it out. (She would be so mad at me if I did. I can actually hear her saying "If you don't use it, who will?!" :-)) I miss her so much.

With all this though it has made me think. It has made me think about how we spend our whole lives trying to obtain all these material things. Working to make ends meet. Trying to get what everyone else has... but what do we take with us when we go?
A whole lot of nothing.

As sad as this has been for me, it has opened my eyes (and my heart). I am so so grateful for the gospel and how much comfort it has brought me. I needed a blessing due to a "task" I was asked to fulfill. How grateful I am to have a husband who holds the priesthood and who was able to help me feel peace and comfort at a time I didn't think was possible. How awesome it has been to know that she is whole again and is reunited with those that have gone on before her. How awesome it is that I KNOW that I will one day be united with her.

OK, I'm done. However, my sweet friend Jamie had this little poem on her blog. She lost her brother and had this for him. I loved it. :-) I'll leave you with it now....

"Wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part...God has you in his arms. I have you in my heart."


chanel said...

hey there,
what a bittersweet experience this all is for you. im so sorry for your pain, but promise time does make it easier, even though right now you probably don't want it to get easier. i remember when my grandma passed not wanting her closeness, her life, her reality to fade. it won't, just the pain.
and you're right, USE her lovingly made blanket, wrap it around you like she would, be comforted by it. We are VERY blessed to have the gospel and the knoweldge and peace that comes with it.
keep hanging in there.
i love you.

Nilsson Family said...

I loved this, your an amazing person and I am so glad I can be your friend. I misse bunco last month because Eric had a family member pass away of cancer. Its a sad and hard time. But everything you said is so true, we need to be greatful for what we have been given. Thanks for that post. Sorry for your loss, love you:)